Sometimes the within is piano black...

Well, here I am after so many days without posting anything. These weeks have been so tiring and full of anxiety, so I forgot about my blog… I’ve realize during these weeks that I really need to write what’s happening inside me, cause if I don’t do it I feel like I’m getting full of thoughts and emotions I can’t tell but only write down here.

So, yesterday I felt like I really needed to write something here in order to release some of those feelings and feel OK again.

(University issues) I feel sad and worried because…

• I know some people still doesn’t accept me as the one who is in lead of the event every year “History” organizes.

• I hate it when people are not frank and tell you what they really think in your face. I feel that some people disagree with what we are doing, and still keep silence…

• I feel that they feel I’m doing what I want, not what they would’ve wanted.

• I don’t want to lose any of my friends because of the organization of this event.

• I feel that the last weeks I haven’t follow my schedule correctly, and now I feel messy.

• I have lost enthusiasm for what I’m doing. I don’t know if it is because I’m really tired, or simply because I don’t like any of the topics we are discussing in class.
  

(Personal issues) I feel anxious and sad because…

• I feel I look terrible and fat… The mirror is my enemy again, and it’s my entire fault.

• I’ve discover I can’t feel totally happy sometimes when I’m with my bf. Yesterday I proved that. (And this is really worrying to me). I love him, and I don’t doubt that… It’s just that I’m afraid of getting tired of feel frustrated (because of something we’ve already talk).

• I don’t want to feel like yesterday again. I felt like I’ve lost him… It was awful.

• I’ve discovered I can be really jealous… that’s bad. So bad…

• I miss my “lonely” moments… I really do miss go anywhere just with my mp3 player and walk without thinking of anyone.

This is it…

(The title of this post it’s a phrase of a new Nightwish song called “Song of myself”. I really feel connected with that song because of many things).

(video: youtube.com)